So my wife and I have been trying to get our house completely cleaned from top to bottom. Basically spring cleaning so we can start sorting what we are going to sell in a garage sale and what needs to be packed for our move. We finally got it done and man does it feel good. There’s just something so relaxing about going to bed in a perfectly clean home. Everything is exactly in it’s place and clean. Honestly it’s about time I’ve had a chance to sit down and relax… what with all the stuff I’ve been stressing about lately.
I usually internalize most of my feelings. I don’t think I am good at expressing how I feel without saying the wrong things so I just try to defeat it myself. Usually I seem to be competent enough to beat what I’m dealing with but lately I’ve been facing some pretty big giants within myself. They aren’t even external gone internal. It’s just internal processes and ideas. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. Just writing to write I guess.
I wonder sometimes if I stopped shutting myself down when I try to open for help, if someone would actually be there. I think maybe I’m scared to open up because I’m afraid it would be blurted out and fall on deaf ears. Or that I might realize that my problems are so insignificant or that I don’t really have any one who cares. The truth is I know I have at least 3 people who care tremendously. So maybe that isn’t it at all.
I dunno. Just writing.